i've cried my fucking eyes out the past 4 days/nights.
its unbelieveable the impact that someone can have on you in the space of 3 years.
and suddenly when they're not here anymore, its so fucking horrible.

mr gallagher was not only a fantastic teacher, but also a lovely, lovely man.
he would bend over backwards to help you get the mark you wanted, no matter your intelligence level.
he'd always put himself before people, and take the time of day to help you if you had a problem, whether it be in school or a more personal issue.

i'll always remember how he would take melissa asside to reassure her that he was there whenever she wanted to talk. he was the only person who could get through to her when she was going through such a hard time psychologically.

i hate science, always have done, always will do. but he made 2 years of biology the most fun i could ever imagine. he got me the second highest pass possible (credit - 2) which i know for a fact i wouldn't have achieved without him.
even when they 2 years of biology had finished i'd always see him around the school - always happy, always smiling - and he'd say "hello holly! :)" all cheerily. he loved everyone, and everyone loved him.

i went to the oratory on thursday to say a few prayers for him & to say a personal word to him from myself. i never noticed at first up there on the alter, until i looked up and saw a picture of him with his usual smile on his face that i burst into tears. the picture was so agonizingly like him that it was as though he was standing in front of me. which is why then it hit me that he wasn't, and he never would be again.
after this, i was made to go to a conselling session with my guidance teacher cause they think i might not be able to cope psychologically.

I went to the crematorium today to pay my last respects to John Gallgher. one of his daughters & his son done speeches, in which of course they tried to place jokes to lighten the atmoshphere. his daughter broke down during her speech though, which set myself off too. it was honestly the most agonizing thing i've ever watched.


the strange thing is though that these past few days i have realised i really do have NO decent/considerate friends. i find it so strange how the teachers have been more supportive of me through these past 4 days which i have struggled with, than what my friends have. infact, not one person has asked me if i'm alright, if i wanna talk about it, or just generally been supportive. actually thats a lie, kirsten asked me on thursday if i was ok - which really is saying something considering she's the most selfish person in the world.


RIP John Gallagher [13/06/07] - we will love & miss you always x

As I consider your '7' Life Path, I see you floating in a sea of endless time - great vistas and a feeling of lifetimes behind and ahead of you.


I get the feeling of urgency with you Holly, things that must be done, lessons that must be experienced. I sense the rhythm of life, the cycles we all experience.


This, in combination with your '5' Soul Urge (calculated using the letters in your birth name, 'Holly Gray'), gives me the impression that you have a pleasant personality, and are generally liked by others. You can be easily hurt at times, and as a result are more careful with displaying your feelings than you used to be.


Holly, I sense that you are a very busy person who is always on the go. The more you have on your plate, the better. At times you wish you had less to do, but you would be totally lost if you woke up one morning and found nothing at all to do! This couldn't happen, of course, as every time you get a space you seem to fill it up very quickly. You'll be just as busy in late life as well ... in fact you won't get time to grow old, you'll just simply keep on growing!


Having said that, it's not surprising you need a break after this past year. Let's face it - we all need a little breathing space now and again to re-charge our batteries. Remember to take time to smell the roses!


Holly, you have had a few worries recently about money, but you know you have the power to solve them. While it's been a bit of a bumpy ride financially these past couple of years, the next 18 months or so will be a lot easier.


Looking at your Personal Days and Personal Months, you should be pleased Holly ... it shows that shortly you will receive some pleasant news. It is nothing momentous, but is sufficient to raise your sights and hopes. It is good news.


I sense a period early on in your life - teenage years perhaps - when you felt misunderstood, as if you couldn't really get close to anyone, as if you are walking on the outside of life. These feelings very occasionally reoccur.


Your '6' Expression indicates you are a very special person Holly. The experiences you undergo are all for a very special purpose, one I'm sure you are not aware of yet. Nevertheless, you are progressing in exactly the right direction. Your timing is good and you are learning from every experience. I don't know if you believe in reincarnation, but I get the feeling that you are a highly evolved person, as if you have lived many times before. In time you will have much to offer the rest of us.


Romantically, it has not always been easy, and your outlook on like has changed because of this. The future is much easier in this regard than in the past.


Holly, you have sometimes wondered if you have made the right decisions at times, and it looks as it you have. You work best when you make your own mind up on things, though it is useful to ask other people for advice before you make your own mind up.


I see some travel in your future, and several new horizons beckoning. Your progress in this world has not always been as fast as you would like, but I can see significant growth in the future. You tend to feel you have a lot of unused capacity, and that people don't always give you full credit for your abilities.


I can see you happy and productive in your old age, surrounded by friends and family. You are of above average intelligence, and will keep on learning all the way through life.

Its unbelievable how much i miss him.
He's been quite off with me recently. Well not off as such. He just doesn't seem as keen as he was last month. Maybe i've said something stupid. I hope not.
I feel so daft for liking him aswell - i mean c'mon, the age difference!? I don't care actually, cause to be honest i've never met anyone like him. He makes me laugh, he's a bit of a jack the lad, sweet & caring, lots of money, considerate, honest, loyal - everything i like in someone. Not to mention the fact that i can talk to him about anything.

So thats me in 6th year now - i have a feeling this year isn't going to be that great to be honest.
Spence doesn't talk to me half as much now - she's too busy hanging around with the geeks. Kirsten annoys me 80% of the time so i tend to stay away from her aswell. I now only talk to around 6 people.

Things aren't the same in school now. This years gonna be different. Even more divides happening.
At the end of the day i probably won't be friends with half of them by this time next year anyway when we all leave.
Especially if my plans go ahead & i'm off to London. Been looking at more universities down there tonight - so far it's between:

- Middlesex University
- Thames Valley University
- American InterContinental University
- University of East London


I ACTUALLY CANNOT WAIT ;D! x